Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
