Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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