So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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