come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
she looked like the before picture.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
