I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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