I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
