FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You should frame my arrest warrant.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
