the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
where are my eyebrows?
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