Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
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