For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
God, I missed his penis.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
