So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
40s are totally the cure
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
