let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
