Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
