Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
