you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
this will be a night to untag.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
