are you still at the devil's house?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
