shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
the night ended with taco bell and tears
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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