Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
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