If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
