No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
The ass gains better be worth it
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
