fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
