who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
