Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
