she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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