So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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