YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
