Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
