worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
