youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
