i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
