So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
