I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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