I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
