You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
