I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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