I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
