went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
