you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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