I want to make a zoo with you.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
