I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
