i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
