dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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