I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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