I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
