And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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