this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
