I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
