You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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