i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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