so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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