Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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