i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
